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innocence

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     We are born into this world as clueless dreamers. We lay there, unable to move or perform hardly any actions on our own. However even before we can talk or walk, we can think, feel and thus, dream.

     Dreaming doesn’t require anything but your mind and unique soul. When we are children, before the world shapes our minds, we experience no limits to our mind's connection with God’s voice. Our dreams are all very clear to us. The struggle, though, is maintaining this deep connection with our true selves.

September, 2017

     One of my roommates and I were on the subway headed into the city to run some errands. In typical Philip fashion, I was doing random silly things on the trip there, displaying no care for societal norms or rules. Nothing I was doing was that crazy; it was just all very me.

      It got awkward, though, when my roommate started getting annoyed with me. He told me, “You’re just so carefree”, and I thanked him. He then shot back a petty comment, shocked that I hadn’t taken his words as the insult he intended.

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      Oftentimes, my childlike sense of invincibility confuses people, even my loved ones. I’m the little brother of 2 older sisters, so my whole life has been me feeling like the most childish person in the room. I cross the stress carelessly. I say whatever comes to mind. I jump into premature relationships with optimistic bliss. The word 'childish' has a bad connotation associated with it the older we get, and at times that makes me feel insecure and easily condescended by others. However recently, I've been learning to love and embrace my childishness as a 22 year old man, and it has been changing my life.

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      As I've grown older, I've realized the ways in which the world corrupts us and strips us of our inner-children. From the dangers and demands of living in society, we are gradually taught to dread adulthood. Somewhere along the road of training us to protect ourselves from others and to succeed per capitalism's standards, our parents make us lose parts of ourselves. And their parents did the same to them.

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     Can you imagine what it felt like being warned by my parents to not have too much faith in me achieving my NYC dreams? I'm sure you can, because your loving yet worried parents have done the same to you. And the same was done to them. Many days earlier this year, their advice made me start to feel out of touch with my childlike faith; I felt like a hopeless adult.

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     To my surprise, what they don't tell you about adulthood is that it's even more exciting than childhood. Yes there are bills, but adulthood represents your opportunity to make those recurring dreams from your childhood into your daily reality. You get to not only continue to be your carefree kid self, but also make all of that kid's dreams come true. Embracing this duality is the secret to true freedom. Yes, the childlike decisions sometimes make for weird paths and adverse situations, but obstacles arise even if you try to avoid them through excessive maturity; might as well embrace the struggle happily.

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     Make your own rules. You've always been the master of your dream. Don't give the world the steering wheel; fight to keep the little kid inside of you in the driver's seat. People don't have to understand you or your decisions. Only you fully know the little dreamer that still lives in you, but sometimes the memories can be tough for even you to remember. Dig deep and find out exactly who you were as a kid, because your job for the rest of your life is to real life all of that little goober's dreams.

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