dear gay ex-boyfriend
The lost and rarely-discussed perspective: female casualties of closeted gay men. We don’t openly talk about it much, maybe to protect the feelings of the recently outed male, but his pain is no greater than the girls' whom he permanently scars along his journey to freedom. This is an open letter from those girls to their now out ex-boyfriends.
Dear gay ex-boyfriend,
Do you really think that you turning out to not be attracted to girls makes this any easier for me? Do you honestly believe that you coming out has magically healed me and righted your wrong? Sometimes, I wonder if I’ll ever be fully over this heartbreak. I loved you. I loved you with everything in me. We talked about getting married. We talked about where we would live. How many kids we’d have. I told you my deepest wounds and you held my hand through my darkest pains...
And the whole time you weren’t even attracted to me? When you cheated on me, you stole every ounce of hope I ever had in love and guys. And the worst part is, your fag ass couldn’t even spare my self esteem by cheating with a boy; you chose a girl. Or maybe you chose both. I wasted years of my life on you. Why would you do this to me? What if someone did this to your two sisters?
I miss the girl I was before I met you. You deserve a Grammy, because the show you put on scalped my character’s soul. I feel like I’ve lost myself. When you would tell me you loved me, I trusted you with every bone in my body, and now I struggle to even believe a guy when he tells me the simplest truth. Sometimes I feel like a phantom of the girl who once loved.
But it’s okay. I am strong. Or at least I try my best each day to be. And although a part of me hates you, the majority of me still feels love for you and only wants you to be happy. After all, you were my first “true” love.
I know that you were and still are going through your own things. But dammit, so am I. Please don’t forget about me— the supposed friend you once ruined. I’ve healed myself and am still continuously healing everyday, but a hurt part of me still feels that it takes the most evil being in existence to do what you did to me.